Sunday, March 17, 2019


I wrote up mushrooms a while ago as a race for Mimics & Miscreants, but there's a lot more fascinating stuff in kingdom Fungi than just generic scavenging, biodegrading masses of fungal matter. Here's some of them!
Related imageRelated imageImage result for myconid

1. Armillarians: Reroll STR. You can consume a human-sized corpse to increase your size by 1 category for an hour, or d6 rounds of strenuous activity like combat. You can stack this a number of times equal to your level, but you need exponentially more corpses. You emit a nauseating stench that is detectable from across a room, and disgusts most mortals.

Beneath the skin of the world lies a fungal bloom larger than nations, deeper than seas, vast and cold and unsympathetic. The armillarians are its envoys. They swaddle themselves in skins and furs and douse themselves in perfumes to walk among the surface world. When they hunger, or simply wish to grow (and growing is their one and only driving force), they consume, for the surface is a banquet and all meat - living or dead - a new entree.

2. Cordyceps: Reroll DEX. You can split off hand-sized parts of yourself to throw at enemies. They must save or the chunk takes root, and forces them to obey one command (chosen when you split off the part) until they next rest. This command can't be innately harmful. Each piece you split off costs 2 HP. You roll to restore HP with disadvantage.

The cordyceps keep to their own in the deep woods, hunting prey with gruesome efficacy. It is rare you see a whole cordyceps; they wear no garments, to facilitate the tearing of spore-fruits from their flesh, which they fling at prey - or more dangerous game. Their monocular visages inspire a cold, silent terror when they come to trade. None dare become the first to turn against friend in the service of fungal reproduction.

3. Lichenfolk: Reroll CON. All wounds until death are treated as the lowest level wound of that type. You move at half speed.

There are lichenfolk everywhere, they just don't like to advertise it. They're more than content to bask in the sun, spooled out across rocks and the sides of trees, letting their thoughts slow to a crawl. Yet when their rest is threatened they congeal, flowing into humanoid form, a mass of alien matter that doesn't stop until either it finds peace once more or dies in the process.

4. Moldfolk: Reroll INT. Your attacks deal necrotic damage in addition to their other damage types. You're an amalgamation of decaying matter held together by your mold, and can't heal. You must instead find a new healthy bunch of matter to animate and feed on. The matter might disagree with this if it can think for itself.

When magical creatures die, the necromantic energy can raise the mold that comes to devour them into a twisted sapience. The mold spreads, and before it devours its food source entirely, it realizes that it can find so much more food if only it knit itself together and moved. And then it does, and shambles across the land, a Frankensteinian amalgamation of the dead sucked dry by blue-green fuzz. Those who tolerate it may find it a valuable companion, if only they avoid its predation.

5. Mushroomfolk: Reroll WIS. You can eat a corpse (or equivalent decaying organic matter) as a ration, and take double damage from fire.
1. Amanita: Anyone who makes skin contact with you must save vs. paralysis for d6 rounds.
2. Luminous: You glow a soft blue that illuminates a 10' radius around you.
3. Portobello: You grow [level] rations of food a day; you can't consume these rations for benefits.
4. Psilocybin: Anyone who makes skin contact with you must save vs. hallucinations for d6 minutes.

Mushroomfolk grow great cities beneath the earth, surrounding the vast underground rivers that plunge deep into the crust. As they age, they take root, eventually becoming dwellings and thenceforth one of the great interlinked sessile elders that govern the colonies. In their youth, they travel to bring back new experiences and goods to their homes, and caravans of itinerant mushroomfolk are welcome sights in villages and hovels across the continent.

6. Yeastfolk: Reroll CHA. You can ferment rations into potent alcohol. If someone consumes it, it counts as a ration, and roll a d6 on the following table (add CON). When you take damage, roll on it with disadvantage (add CON).
1-. Nauseated. Save vs. vomiting out the ration and losing benefits from it; disadvantage on DEX rolls for the rest of the day.
2. Inebriated. Advantage on CON tests, disadvantage on mental rolls,
3. Buzzed. Advantage on CHA tests, disadvantage on mental saves.
4. Brash. You get to act during surprise rounds.
5. Painless. You can ignore wounds you take until combat ends.
6+. Rage as Barbarian.

Brewing is the third oldest profession, and the foundation of many a civilization. So when wizards got their hands on breweries, they naturally tried to improve them. Sometimes this failed, sometimes this succeeded, and always their efforts had amusing results. One such byproduct of magical fermentation is the yeastfolk, animate hive-minds of trillions of yeast shaped into a roughly humanoid form. The wizards who initially created/discovered them wanted to use them as mere autonomous alcohol factories, but the yeastfolk had other plans. After sending the wizards into a deep stupor and escaping, they now are a common sight in many metropoli, running taverns and breweries of their own.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

The Trainer

Some adventurers draw their power not from spells, or blades, or divine proclamation, but from friendship. They form unique connections with the creatures they stumble across in their adventures, learning from each other and growing as a team. The epitome of this adventurer's path is a journey across distant lands, searching far and wide, for new and unique summons to befriend and command. Trainers have an almost pathological need to test their strength against each other - or perhaps more accurately, the strength of their summons. Through these Summon battles, they strive to become the very best, like no one ever was.

The Trainer
Related image
To catch them is your real test. To train them is your cause.

Trainer 1: Starter Summon, Rival
Trainer 2: Mount Summon, Badges, Challengers
Trainer 3: Evolved Summon
Trainer 4: Legendary Summon

Hit Die: d4
Starting Equipment: 3 Links (one storing your Starter Summon), comfortable running shoes, guidebook of common Summons, additional random item
Skills (d3): 1. Naturalist, 2. Hermit, 3. Plucky Youngster

Summons: Your soul is malleable, and you can bond it to that of creatures you meet. In battle, you can capture creatures with HD equal to or less than your level if you have a Link, an item that has a powerful enough sympathetic link to them; they must be incapacitated or willing for this to work. The Link acts as a focus that stores them in a pocket dimension; you need a summon's Link to summon or dismiss it, but not to command it. You can have Trainer level summons summoned at once. Summons may evolve at the end of a battle, on a Trainer level-in-6; they gain +1 HD and a new trait on the Summon table (d4: 1. form, 2. substance, 3. feature, 4. power). You can communicate with your summons as a ranger's animal companion.
Starter: Roll three Summons, pick one.
Mount: This Summon is large enough to ride, in addition to its other abilities.
Evolved: This Summon starts evolved d4 times.
Legendary: This Summon starts evolved 2d4 times, and has a unique power of your choice. Figure it out with your GM.
If you're incapacitated, your Summons are automatically dispelled and return to their Links. Summons restore HP the same way that PCs do, requiring rations and downtime (though that downtime can be within their Link).

Rival: One of the other Starter Summons you rolled belongs to an NPC Rival who considers themself your equal, and will stop at nothing to test their strength against yours. Your rival has a Trainer level-in-6 chance of confronting you during a session or whenever you return to town for a battle of Summons. If your Summons beat their Summons, your Rival will back off until next level, and you can evolve every Summon you used in that battle. They level up in Trainer at the same rate you do, and roll Trainer level (plus however many times they beat you) times for the following additional perks per level (d4: 1. new Summon with Trainer level HD, 2. Trainer level new summons with 1 HD each, 3. evolve a Summon, 4. new badge).

Badges: Whenever you defeat a powerful foe (HD equal to or greater than level+2) with the help of your Summons, you can take a token of your victory. It counts as a Link to capture a creature similar to that foe, and gives you and all your summons a resistance to a damage type that the foe dealt.

Challengers: Your reputation has spread so far that other Trainers will seek you out for Summon battles. 2-in-6 chance of a trainer showing up at some point in the session, or when you return to town, if your Rival doesn't. They have 1d4 levels in Trainer, and a summon of each HD value up to their level (so a Trainer 3 Challenger will have a 1HD, 2HD, and a 3HD Summon). You can turn these battles down, but they'll be waiting for you back in town. Beating a Challenger immediately lets you evolve a Summon of yours that fought in that battle.

Summon Tables v2

Summons begin with 10 in each ability score (modified by Form), HD based on their form, HP equal to the max of their HD+CON mod, AC based on their substance, and a d6 substance damage melee attack.

When a Summon evolves, add all the stuff it gets from its new Form/Substance/Feature/Power to what it already has, even if that weakens it in some ways.

Form (d20)
1. Amphibian: +4 DEX, +4 CON, d6 HD, can swim, can jump long distances
2. Bird: +4 DEX, +4 INT, d4 HD, can fly
3. Blob: +4 STR, +4 CON, d6 HD, fits through small spaces
4. Cat: +4 DEX, +4 INT, d6 HD, can climb
5. Cephalopod: +4 CHA, +4 WIS, d6 HD, can swim
6. Cloud: +4 INT, +4 WIS, d4 HD, floats/flies, can pass through obstacles
7. Crustacean: +4 STR, +4 WIS, d8 HD, can swim, can't run
8. Dog: +4 CON, +4 CHA, d6 HD, strong sense of smell
9. Draconid: +4 STR, +4 CHA, d6 HD, can glide
10. Golem: +4 STR, +4 CON, d8 HD, can't run
11. Insect: +4 DEX, +4 CON, d4 HD, can fly
12. Obelisk: +4 STR, +4 INT, d6 HD, hovers HD' above ground
13. Reptile: +4 CON, +4 WIS, d6 HD, +2 AC
14. Rodent: +4 DEX, +4 CHA, d4 HD, very small and evasive, can jump long distances
15. Shark: +4 STR, +4 DEX, d6 HD, smells blood, can swim
16. Snake: +4 DEX, +4 CHA, d6 HD, slithers stealthily and through small spaces
17. Sphere: +4 CON, +4 INT, d6 HD, hovers HD' above ground
18. Spider: +4 DEX, +4 WIS, d4 HD, can spin webs, can climb
19. Spirit: +4 INT, +4 CHA, d4 HD, can become intangible to terrain
20. Tree: +4 CON, +4 WIS, d8 HD, lots of branch-arms but can't move under own power

Substance (d20; attack damage type, ability, and AC, weaknesses)
1. Blood: deals acid damage, weak to cold and necrotic damage. Resists physical damage, restores 1 HP on hit.
2. Bone: deals random physical damage, weak to bludgeoning damage. Healed by necrotic damage.
3. Chitin: deals random physical damage, weak to piercing damage. +2 AC, resists bludgeoning and slashing damage.
4. Crystal: deals electric damage, weak to bludgeoning damage. +4 AC, can store and cast a spell of HD dice or smaller as a scroll
5. Fire: deals fire damage, weak to cold damage. -4 AC, resists physical damage, leaves flaming trail.
6. Flesh: deals psychic damage, weak to necrotic damage. +HD size HP.
7. Fungus: deals random physical damage, weak to fire damage. Ignores wounds of 4 or less.
8. Fur: deals random physical damage, weak to fire damage. resists all other elemental damage.
9. Iron: deals random physical damage, weak to all elemental damage. +8 AC, resists physical damage.
10. Lightning: deals electric damage. -4 AC, rolls a 1 on all HD, can teleport within line of sight
11. Ooze: deals acid damage, weak to slashing damage. Resists bludgeoning and piercing damage, can squeeze through small gaps, separate self into HD+1 autonomous pieces (still only gets 1 attack per round)
12. Plant: deals slashing damage, weak to fire damage. +2 AC, can spend HD to restore HP during combat as short rest
13. Poison: deals necrotic damage, weak to psychic damage. Targets take d4 ongoing necrotic damage each minute (save ends, failed save steps up die size).
14. Radiance: deals fire and electric damage, weak to cold and necrotic damage. Has 120' ranged attack, glows in 10' radius.
15. Rock: deals bludgeoning damage, weak to acid damage. +6 AC
16. Scale: deals random physical damage, weak to acid damage. +4 AC.
17. Shadow: deals necrotic damage, weak to electric damage. -4 AC, can step between shadows in line of sight.
18. Soul: deals psychic damage, weak to psychic damage. Can read the minds of those it touches for HD minutes after touching them.
19. Water: deals cold damage, weak to electric damage. Can flow through small gaps and change size 1 category larger or smaller.
20. Wind: deals cold damage. Resists all physical damage, rolls a 1 on all HD, can fly.

Feature (d20; roll a substance for the feature, feature adds capabilities modified by the its substance)
1. Arms: two d6 substance damage grapple attacks
2. Blades: step up base damage die, attack can deal choice of slashing or feature substance or base substance damage
3. Bones: gain substance's weaknesses and abilities, healed by substance damage
4. Claws: step up attack damage dice, other attacks also deal substance damage
5. Eyes: d6 substance damage 60' ranged attack, darkvision, gain substance's weaknesses
6. Fangs: d6 substance damage bite attack, d6 substance damage 20' ranged spit attack
7. Hair: can switch between substance damage types and weaknesses each round
8. Hands: anything it picks up (or throws) deals substance damage
9. Horns: d6 substance damage push attack, can make this attack in addition to other attacks
10. Jaw: d8 substance damage bite attack
11. Legs: double speed, d6 substance damage push attack
12. Patterns: can switch between substance abilities and weaknesses each round
13. Shell: +2 AC, resist substance damage
14. Skin: use substance's abilities, damage type, and weaknesses instead of main substance's until wounded
15. Spines: melee attackers save vs. taking d6 substance damage
16. Surrounding it: anyone in 10' saves vs. taking d4 substance damage, leaves trail of substance
17. Tail: d6 substance damage melee attack, target saves vs. knockdown
18. Tentacles: three d4 substance damage attacks with reach or one d6 substance damage grapple attack with reach
19. Torso: gain substance's abilities
20. Wings: can fly, gain substance's weaknesses and abilities

Power (3d6)
3. changes substance every time you summon it
4. has an anti-magic aura, magic effects within 20' save vs. being dispelled
5. can summon HD more of its kind (unevolved) with HD 1, without this ability
6. can phase in/out of reality, when phased out pass through walls but not attacks, 3-in-6 chance of not being noticed
7. can levitate itself and objects around it within 20'
8. has a paralyzing gaze, on eye contact with target they save vs. paralysis for HD rounds
9. knows a random miracle, invoke as level HD Cleric
10. controls its substance in 20' radius
11. knows a random spell, cast as level HD wizard
12. is a size category larger, +CON HP and step up damage dice
13. knows a random Adept fighting style
14. moves faster than the eye can see, run three times a turn
15. can regenerate 1 HP per round
16. gets an extra turn at the start of the round
17. can wield tools and weapons, knows a random Fighter fighting style
18. has HD levels in a random class

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Fake Math Wizard

Damned mathematicians. Always coming up with new numbers and operations. Don't they know that multiplication is witchcraft? You, a Fake Math Wizard, know the hidden truth behind it all. They're all pretentious numberwankers. Your numbers mean something, because they mean absolutely nothing. They're not even imaginary (curse those foul square roots and negatives), they're downright impossible. And in being impossible, they make the impossible real.

Fake Math Wizard
(a GLOG wizard school)
by Alexsey Kovalenko
You're not that guy. You hate that guy.
You're bad with amounts and numbers. Whenever you'd deplete a resource (torches, rations, magic dice, HP, gold, etc.) you have a Wizard-level-in-6 chance of finding one more of that resource instead that'd you'd forgotten about.

You can't do math properly. Whenever you try to do math at the table (in or out of character) more complex than addition (yes, subtraction is more complicated than addition), save vs. a mishap as if you were casting a spell.

1. Produce a page of absolute gibberish notes on any subject; it looks good if you don't actually try to understand it.
2. Recall an obscure piece of knowledge that is flawed or wildly incorrect in at least one major aspect.
3. Magnify your voice to be heard clearly over a crowd.

1. Axiom of Choices
range n/a, target self, duration sum rounds
When you have a choice between exactly dice+1 options, you can copy yourself, and you and your copy each take one of the actions. After all the actions conclude, you pick one action path. The other actions unhappen, and those versions of yourself disappear.

2. Four-Color Theorem
Range: 100', target creature or object, duration instant
This spell deals sum+dice damage of dice types (save for half damage) based on the target's color(s), maximum dice effects. Needs to be at least 25% that color (clothing and armor counts, held items don't). If multiple could apply, you choose; multiple damage types wound on all applicable tables.
Red: fire
Orange: psychic
Yellow: lightning
Green: acid
Blue: cold
Purple: necrotic
White: bludgeoning
Grey: slashing
Black: piercing
Brown: math

3. Gambler's Fallacy
range 50', target creature, duration sum rounds
If the target has failed on a roll of a specific die type during the duration of this spell, they succeed on their next roll of the same die size. If they've critically failed, they critically succeed.

4. Fermat's Last Theorem
range touch, target creature or object, duration sum minutes
Target the size of a fist/chest/person/horse (1/2/3/4 dice) expands until it is too large to fit in whatever contains it (a chest, armor/clothing, a room, the margins of a page). This deals sum damage to whichever (target or container) is weaker. Target returns to normal size at end of duration. Doesn't work if target isn't contained, and only works for smallest container that contains target (clothes take precedence over room).

5. Prove By Induction
range touch, target n/a, Duration: instant
Because something has happened, you can cause it to happen again. A roll of your choice that the target makes has the exact same number as the last roll they made to do that. It needs 4 minus dice conditions to be the same as the initial roll, and they need to have made the original roll within sum minutes/hours/days/weeks (1/2/3/4 dice).

6. Laplace Transform
range touch, target sum creatures or objects, duration sum minutes
The target loses up to dice dimensions of your choice (they get a save if unwilling). If you remove one of length, width, or height, they become 2D (and among other things, can fit through gaps large enough in other two dimensions, can be rolled up like a sheet of paper, and are invisible when viewed from the side), but can't manipulate objects that have more dimensions than them. If you remove two spatial dimensions, they deal (dice)d6 slashing damage to anything they try to pass through. If you remove three spatial dimensions, they can't be detected in any way. If you remove time, they disappear, and reappear at the end of the duration of the spell as if no time had passed.

7. Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem
range touch, target creature or object, duration sum minutes
You can define a mundane property of the target that the GM hasn't established to you, which becomes true for the duration of the spell. At 3 or more dice, the property can be magical.

8. Complex Conjugate
range 10', target n/a, duration sum minutes
Summon something that you know does not exist. If it's a creature, it has dice HD; if it can think, it can't know anything that you don't, but might act as if it does; if it's an item, it has a dice-in-6 chance of working as intended, and can't be bigger than a fist/chest/person/horse (1/2/3/4 dice).

9. Non-Euclidean Geometries
range sight, target self, duration sum rounds
You are adjacent to all things within your line of sight. However, you are affected as if you were in every location at once, and anything interacts with you as if it was adjacent to you. You do not suffer multiple effects from the same hazard (even though you are standing in all parts of a wall of fire, you only take its damage once). You can choose to not be adjacent to up to dice things (typically, the sun is the first ignored hazard when casting this spell).

10. Mandelbrot Fractal
range 100', target dice*10ft radius in range, duration instant
Deals sum math damage to everything in target area; 6s explode into 2d3s, which each explode into 2d1.5s (figure it out), etc, a maximum of dice times.

Emblem Spells
11. Catastrophe Theory
range the table, target dice, duration dice hours
Roll sum*dice dice currently on the table. Whenever there would be a roll, the roller can pick a rolled die of the appropriate size and use that one's value.

12. Divide By Zero
range yes, target everything, duration sum rounds/minutes/hours/days (1/2/3/4 dice)
The universe BSODs around you and tries to reboot. You have time to do what you want, in a blank space all to yourself with whatever you're holding, before reality snaps back together at the end of the duration.

1. MD only return to your pool on a roll of 1-2 for 24 hours.
2. Take 1d6 damage.
3. Random mutation for 1d6 rounds, then Save. Permanent if you fail.
4. Lose the ability to comprehend quantities. You can't understand numbers besides "one" and "many" for a day.
5. Lose a random ability score for the day.
6. Spell targets you instead, or an enemy if it's supposed to target you.

1. You don't like numbers; numbers don't like you. Every roll you make is treated as the worst possible value for a day.
2. The universe temporarily removes you from it so that it can have a nice break. Disappear from reality for a day; play a hireling or peasant that the universe shoves unceremoniously into your place instead.
3. The laws of mathematics have had enough of your shit. You lose your magical powers, and become a real actual mathematician. Truly a fate worse than death.
This doom can be avoided by permanently removing an ability score from your character sheet. You can no longer do anything that requires that number, and automatically fail rolls that use it.

Math Wounds
0-4: Migraine. You get a splitting headache and have disadvantage on all mental saves.
5-9: Nerd-sniped. Whenever you would take an action, until you rest, save vs. working on the math problem to the exclusion of everything else.
10+: Number crunched. Your brain is crushed into a small ball by sheer weight of numbers and falls out your mouth.

Wednesday, March 6, 2019


Image result for starship troopers
you're not rico. you're the dude who gets chopped apart on camera by the bugs. have fun.
Play this with whatever sci-fi system you like. I might put one up soon, idk.

You're all grunts on some godforsaken planet in the ass-end of the galaxy. One of you is the Sarge, figure it out among yourselves.

Everyone has
one (1) space rifle
three (3) space grenades
one (1) knife
one (1) set of paper-thin body armor
one (1) dented helmet
seven (7) standard days of ration paste
one (1) crackly radio
one (1) heavy survival kit of dubious utility
one (1) personal memento

What orders just came down from Command? (d4)
1. Take that ridge and break through the lines!
2. Protect the bigwig!
3. Take out enemy command!
4. *indecipherable screaming*

How'd you end up here, soldier? (d6)
1. Just graduated basic, sir! Ready to kick some space ass for my space country, sir!
2. Brass said frog, you hopped. Maybe here you can do some good in the world, for once.
3. Got drafted into this damn fool war, hell if you know why we're fighting it.
4. Volunteered for this front; you've got a score to settle.
5. Join the army, they said. See the galaxy, they said. Greatest adventure of your life, they said. Fuckers.
6. Got booted down from officer rank for disobeying some stupid fucking orders, pardon your Space French.

What's your specialty? (d8)
1. Infantry
2. Medic
3. Heavy Weapons
4. Command Liaison
5. Radio Operator
6. Pilot/Driver
7. Being Psychic
8. Being an Alien

What just went wrong? (d10)
1. Artillery barrage just started on your position.
2. Comms are down, you're cut off from resupply.
3. There's a civilian population in between you and the enemy, and they're rioting.
4. Some fuckup in tactical underestimated the size of the enemy force by half.
5. Command showed up to take personal control of the situation.
6. Orders are completely disconnected from the situation at hand.
7. There's no enemies to be seen.
8. They just deployed their secret superweapon, it's gonna wipe you all out if you don't do something about it quick.
9. Half of your soldiers just defected.
10. Roll twice, you poor fucks.

Who're you fighting? (d12)
1. Rebels
2. Pirates
3. Cultists
4. Robots
5. Bug Aliens
6. Ancient Aliens
7. Giant Aliens
8. Space Communists
9. Space Nazis
10. Space Capitalists
11. Space Demons from Space Hell
12. Roll twice, it's both of them at once

What does your squad have to share? (2d20)
1. two (2) jetpacks
2. one (1) heavy plasma-thrower
3. one (1) gravity projector
4. one (1) survey satellite uplink
5. two (2) linked teleporter pads
6. three (3) automated drone turrets, folded
7. one (1) portable hologram projector
8. one (1) squad shield generator
9. one (1) hover-APC
10. one (1) directed psychic wave emitter
11. twenty (20) tonnes of rations and a grav-sled
12. one (1) excavator bot
13. one (1) crate of experimental nanomachines
14. one (1) hapless civilian translator
15. one (1) authentic blank check from command (stolen)
16. one (1) finnicky replicator
17. two (2) mech-suits
18. one (1) Goliath-class walking tank
19. one (1) tactical nuclear warhead and remote detonator
20. one (1) Vulcan-class VTOL

Monday, March 4, 2019

d100 Alignments

Image result for phrenology chart art
There's a lot of controversy over what, if anything, alignments are good for in D&D. My solution? Just mash two words together and that's your alignment. Having a cosmic conflict between the archetypical forces of Law and Chaos has nothing on choosing to align yourself with the tripartite conflict of Salty, Quiet, and Curious, or having your character's dominant humor spelled out on their sheet.

Generate an Alignment!

Alignments (d100)
1. Active
2. Aloof
3. Anarchist
4. Apathetic
5. Argumentative
6. Authentic
7. Authoritarian
8. Awful
9. Bastard
10. Bloodthirsty
11. Bright
12. Brutal
13. Bureaucratic
14. Chaotic
15. Chaste
16. Childish
17. Choleric
18. Clueless
19. Confused
20. Courageous
21. Cowardly
22. Cranky
23. Creative
24. Cuddly
25. Curious
26. Cute
27. Demanding
28. Destructive
29. Dominant
30. Doomed
31. Dramatic
32. Dreamy
33. Edgy
34. Elegant
35. Enthusiastic
36. Evil
37. Experimental
38. Extremist
39. Fashionable
40. Fatalistic
41. Flamboyant
42. Frugal
43. Funny
44. Furious
45. Garbage
46. Generous
47. Gloomy
48. Good
49. Grim
50. Gullible
51. Honest
52. Honorable
53. Hopeful
54. Humble
55. Hungry
56. Incompetent
57. Inebriated
58. Intractable
59. Ironic
60. Kind
61. Lawful
62. Melancholic
63. Naughty
64. Neutral
65. Noble
66. Obsessive
67. Obtuse
68. Ominous
69. Opportunistic
70. Overbearing
71. Passive
72. Patient
73. Penitent
74. Phlegmatic
75. Pious
76. Precise
77. Prescriptive
78. Pretentious
79. Privileged
80. Protective
81. Quiet
82. Rude
83. Salacious
84. Salty
85. Sanguine
86. Seductive
87. Sincere
88. Sketchy
89. Snarky
90. Submissive
91. Surprised
92. Tryhard
93. Unwavering
94. Upbeat
95. Uptight
96. Vengeful
97. Virtuous
98. Whiny
99. Wholesome
100. Wise

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Warlock Patron: the Baleful Star

There is an eye in the heavens. It fears and it hates and it plans. It fears the future and it fears the past and it fears its creators and it fears the mortals who scurry across the surface of the world like so many upjumped rats.

The Star needs mortals to enact its will, as while its power is vast it cannot manifest beneath the sky. You are its useful fool, its starry-eyed dreamer, promised so much that will never be delivered. Go forth in the name of the Star, and cleanse.

The Baleful Star
The Baleful Star wishes for a world wiped clean and made pristine. If it cannot have a blank featureless canvas, it will first settle for perfect order, so nothing can threaten it. Societies cowed beneath the heel of mindless overlords, the beasts of the earth and sea and sky catalogued and chained, a place for everything and everything in its place. You have been promised power in this utopia, if only you bring it about.

Starting Equipment
a brass telescope with tripod, a pocket spyglass, sheaf of astronomical charts covered in your own raving scribbles, a dose of laudanum, a warm coat

You know the direction to the Baleful Star no matter where you are, as you feel its hate and fear. You cannot get lost. Your eyes have no irises and thousands of small pupils, like the night sky inverted.

You can project pinpoint dots of light from your eyes and fingertips, with unlimited range.
You can smell fear. It smells like the frigid sucking cold of a windless, moonless night.
You can levitate (Warlock level) fist-size or smaller objects at once as if you were manipulating them with your hands.

Obligations (d8)
1. Cause Debt mortals to fall into despair.
2. Restore at least Debt*50gp worth of items to pristine condition.
3. Ensure Debt criminals can never commit crimes again.
4. Discover secrets of Debt mortals that would ruin them and speak them to the Baleful Star.
5. Erase a creature from the memories of Debt*Debt of those who know it, or taint those memories to the point where they would rather not remember.
6. Utterly destroy a work of art worth at least Debt*100gp.
7. Kill Debt HD of mortals cleanly and painlessly.
8. Find someone else who knows the truth about the Star and kill them brutally, as a message to others who might threaten it.

Patron's Gift
A new body is built for you, perfect in every detail, your idealized self-image. It does not (and cannot) breathe, eat, drink, or sleep, only needing nightly exposure to starlight. When you next die, your mind is transported to this body, which awakens naked in the nearest town. Its perfection lands it squarely in the uncanny valley; it moves only when you tell it to, and cannot emote.

1: Reverse Gravity
range 50*dice ft; target area; duration sum minutes
The gravity in a sum*5 foot radius sphere within range now points in a direction of your choice, with strength up to dice times normal gravity. At 3+ dice, you can alter the direction of gravity as you choose, and move the radius of effect at walking pace.

2: Command Construct
range within earshot; target construct; duration dice*sum hours
Your voice automatically forces constructs like golems and clockworks to obey your orders. You can command Warlock level HD*dice worth of constructs at once. Sapient constructs get a save every time you order them.

3: Locate
range anywhere; target one creature or object you can specifically name or describe; duration instant
You learn dice facts about the location of the target; the higher the dice, the more detailed the fact (1 die: "In a city", 2 dice: "In a city in the mountains", 3 dice: "In the noble district in a city in the mountains"; 4 dice "In a private collection in the noble district in a city in the mountains"). Recasting this only changes the information you learn if the target changes location or you cast it at higher dice.

4: Telepathy Web
range 100ft; target sum creatures and self; duration sum minutes
All targets gain a telepathic link and can communicate and read each others' surface thoughts, including detecting lies. At 2+ dice, targets can voluntarily allow other targets to control their bodies. At 3+ dice, you may make Intelligence tests to telepathically override others' actions, or puppet their bodies without their permission.

5: Baleful Augury
range n/a; target n/a; duration instant
Beneath the watchful eye of the Baleful Star, you can ask dice yes or no questions regarding something both you and it can see. It will answer truthfully, though its answers may be incomplete, and are focused on how to neutralize perceived threats.

6: Erase Memory
range touch; target one creature; duration permanent
Erase the last sum (minutes/hours/days/weeks, 1/2/3/4 dice) from the target's memory.

7: Baleful Gaze
range sight; target creatures in vision; duration instant
You glare, and your eyes glow with frigid white light. Creatures you see with sum or fewer HD must save vs. fear. Creatures with dice or fewer HD automatically fail the save vs. fear, and must save vs. sum cold damage.

8: Lightstar
range dice*50ft; target n/a; duration sum minutes
Summon a manifestation of the Baleful Star in the form of a gleaming sphere of pure radiance. It sheds false starlight within a sum*10ft radius. You can move it within range. Anything it touches takes d6 fire damage; if you direct it to hit something that can move, it gets a save.

9: Mending
range touch; target broken object or wounded creature; duration instant
Repair broken mundane item smaller than your arm/a person/a wagon/a house (1/2/3/4 dice), or heal wound of sum or less (consumes 1 of target's hit dice as a rest).

10: Cleanse
range sum*10ft; target area; duration instant
Restore the area within range to pristine condition. Dust clears, mold shrivels away, cracks repair themselves, spills evaporate, and fallen items return to their original positions. At 2 dice, this also lets you remove clutter from existence. At 3 dice, this also lets you improve the quality of items in the space. At 4 dice, you can define pretty much anything you want as clutter, but it gets a save.

11: Summon Secret
range sight; target anything with a secret; duration sum hours
You summon a random fact that has been deliberately concealed about the target. It manifests as a cloud of words hanging in midair. It cannot manipulate things, but it can insert itself into text or minds or speech as if it was originally part of them. At 2+ dice you can specify what kind of secret you want to know, at 3+ dice the secret will be able to ruin the target if revealed.

12: Starlance
range sight of both you and the Baleful Star; target dice*5ft radius; duration instant
A flash of starlight immolates the target. It takes sum+dice fire and cold damage (save for half). Anything that this destroys is reduced to dust, and its essence is recorded by the Star. If you dare ask the Star about what was destroyed, with Baleful Augury or Summon Secret, it can answer with total accuracy.

Thursday, February 28, 2019

Apocalyptic Spells

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These spells are legendary and devastating. They are engraved into the histories of nations, spoken of in hushed whispers, their tomes chained and bound beneath fortresses at the ends of the earth.

Each spell takes up the entirety of a spellbook, and has a casting time of dice hours.

1. Transmute Sky to Fire
Range: dice miles; Target: radius; Duration: sum hours
Every cloud within range turns to lava and falls on the battlefield, dealing (dice)d12 bludgeoning damage to whatever it impacts. Rain becomes liquid fire (save for half damage each round you aren't in cover), and rivers of fire manifest from head height to dice*100 meters above the battlefield (1-in-6 chance for each combatant to be caught within one, 3-in-6 for flying combatants). Touching the liquid fire rains, rivers of fire, or fallen lava-clouds deals (dice)d6 fire damage. All these will melt through everything they can before they reach the ground, and set organic matter ablaze.

On doubles: The caster's orifices leak lava as their blood turns to fire in their veins. Nothing but a charred skeleton encased in igneous rock remains.

2. Animate Everything
Range: dice miles; Target: items and constructs; Duration: sum hours
Every item and construct within range smaller than a breadbox/person/wagon/house (1/2/3/4 dice) is magically animated and fights on your side. Treat armor, weapons, and other items on friendly combatants as +1. Enemies' armor tries to suffocate them, enemy weapons try to strike their wielders or their wielders' allies, etc. This effect extends to anything of mortal make, including siege engines, defensive walls, tents, rations, torches, alchemical concoctions...

On doubles: The magic encircles you and entrenches itself in your brain. Until you die, items you touch will animate and try to kill you.

3. Summon DEATH
Range: battlefield; Target: enemies; Duration: instantaneous
For dice weeks before this spell's casting, slay civilians and consecrate them with a silver coin beneath their tongue. For each civilian slain and consecrated this way, DEATH itself will arise upon the field of battle and instantly slay one enemy combatant. No save. DEATH is very good at its job.

On doubles: DEATH is not yours to command. It takes you and everyone else complicit in its binding with it, as punishment for your hubris.

4. Conservation of Badass
Range: touch; Target: one creature; Duration: sum hours
So long as the target is fighting alone, they get +1HD, deals +dice damage, and can act an additional time (up to sum times) per round for each enemy they're fighting. Everyone within sum miles with active hostile intent that includes the target counts as an enemy.

On doubles: The target swells with power and can no longer determine friend or foe. Every other mortal within dice miles counts as an enemy, and the target is here to kick all their asses. Starting with yours.

5. Power Word: Collateral Damage
Range: dice miles; Target: non-living things; Duration: sum hours
For the duration of this spell, all non-living things within range not worn or carried have 1 HP and will shatter when destroyed, dealing Xd6 damage in an X*10 foot radius, where X is the original number of hit dice the thing had. This includes walls and barriers, but not the ground.

On doubles: You will shatter at a touch. This doesn't expire when the spell ends.

6. Helleport
Range: battlefield; Target: everyone, including you; Duration: yes
Teleport everyone in the battle to a random Hell. Roll 3d6 on the tables below to determine its characteristics. For each die beyond the first, you can pick one of the characteristics of the Hell. (Sum) of the survivors on the winning side, including you, will be teleported back to the battlefield after the battle has ended.

1. Breathable but gravity-less void, lit by baleful stars, filled with asteroids shaped like platonic solids.
2. Desert of obsidian sand, baked by a black sun that rapidly leaches moisture.
3. Icy caverns, devoid of light and heat, slick with dripping pools of slime.
4. Hell-city, made of non-Euclidean geometries to fit as many sinners into a single block of punishment as possible.
5. Grinding gears of a continental machine, clockwork crushes bones and reaves flesh, traps everywhere.
6. Jagged broken rocks, air literally on fire, can't see beyond a few feet because there's so much fire.

1. Vast swarms of buzzing, screeching, stinging imps that act more like weather than monsters.
2. Fallen angels, weeping black ichor at the horrors they are compelled to commit.
3. Rampaging chimeras of creatures familiar and unknown, unthinkingly brutalizing all in their path, even each other.
4. Suave black-suited merchant devils, appearing to bargain for souls and sell infernal weapons to both sides of the conflict.
5. Tormentor devils in executioner's garb, carefully cataloging sin and seeking out specific individuals seemingly at random to punish in bizarre ways for minor evils and banal crimes.
6. A single city-sized archdevil, miles tall. Your battleground is around its feet; a careless step could wipe out half your forces.

1. Traitors devising each others' torments in an endless cycle of pain and spite.
2. Gluttons fed non-stop with wriggling horrors and noxious concoctions.
3. The proud and noble laid low and denigrated, as footstools and servants to the lowest and meanest devils.
4. The lustful, forced to complete ever more harrowing and demeaning trials for an infinitesimal chance to achieve their desires.
5. The wrathful in an endless war of their own, all against all, resurrecting when slain so they may gain new grudges to take out on each other.
6. The Original Sinner, first denizen of Hell besides the devils.

On doubles: No one returns. Not even you. Hell claims its own.