Saturday, December 26, 2020

The Charcuterie Board is Served!

The GLoG is a wonderful, writhing thing made of teeth and nails and goblin-flesh. It slumbers, on occasion, but only so its waking hunger is that much deeper. Fortunately, a party of expendable lackeys foolhardy treasure-seekers filthy gretchlings esteemed bloggers (including yours truly) have seen fit to prepare a delicious meal to sate the GLoG's hunger, as well as perhaps your curiosity about what this madness is. It's free*!
*if you eat, you stay 

Here's my contribution to the Charcuterie Board all on its lonesome - I urge you to read the whole zine, it's fantastic, but if you just want its version of SAWN-OFF to throw at your unsuspecting players, it's linked below! (and all the component parts I just couldn't wait to reveal to the world are contained within my blog's SAWN-OFF tag).
And, most importantly, some cut content that didn't quite make it into the incredibly generous 4-page spread I was provided with (but that Oblidisideryptch mourned the removal of regardless). Six regional encounter tables for use in Exploration, and six corresponding dungeon encounter tables for Crawling in your favorite relevant map!
Hexcrawl Encounter Tables
Encounters in an Active Warzone
1. Carrion birds circling → Dire vultures
2. Songs of resilience → Refugee caravan
3. Neutral flags → Mercenary company
4. Rapid hoofbeats → Knight, press-ganged retinue
5. Spent deserters → a Pitched Battle
6. Plumes of smoke → Encamped regiment

Encounters in the Deep Caverns
1. Cackling and gibbering → Goblin raiding party
2. Rock flows like water → Earth elemental
3. Echoing calls for help → Lost miners
4. Stalactites snap and fall → Cave-in
5. Flitting shadows → Xenomorph
6. Rattling, moaning → Forlorn spirits from the Buried Crypts

Encounters in a Fungal Forest
1. Crushed trail → Tank-bug
2. Ubiquitous buzzing → Bugfolk hive-swarm
3. Allergies act up → Spore blizzard
4. Bemused muttering → Expedition seeking the Flooded Ruins
5. Will-o-wisp lights → Fungusfolk mystics
6. Too quiet → Cordyceps-infested stalker

Encounters on the High Seas
1. Dark clouds on horizon → Thunderstorm
2. Sucking whirlpool → Kraken
3. Flags of convenience → Pirates
4. Flags of convenience → Merchanter
5. Land ho! → Prehistoric Island
6. Cloudless sky → Becalmed

Encounters in a Vast City
1. Screaming, smell of smoke → Fire!
2. Hurried steps, heads down → Cops
3. Someone calling your names → Old friend
4. Cheers, ozone → Wizard’s duel
5. Holiday parade → Assassins from the Infinite Palace
6. Smashing windows → Protection racketeers
Encounters in the Wizard’s Waste
1. Field of bones → Skeletons (various creatures)
2. Warning obelisk→ Guard-bots patrolling the Ancient Bunker
3. Irradiated pools → Mutant crabfolk camp
4. Sky darkens → Mutant bugfolk hive-swarm
5. Screaming thunder → Spell-storm
6. The land bows in fear → The wizard and retinue

Dungeon Encounter Tables
Encounters in a Pitched Battle
1. Maudlin, stench of blood → Neutral medics
2. Arguing, smell of sweat → Scavengers
3. Squabbling, pained moans → Decimated platoon
4. Fire from the skies → Mage-artillery
5. Stillness, occasional boom → Minefield
6. Barked, belittling orders → Officer corps

Encounters in the Buried Crypts
1. Bad poetry, snapping → Undead poets society
2. Cursing, chanting → Graverobbing necromancer
3. Clattering, scraping → d100 skeletons
4. Litanies against fear → Penitent paladin
5. Dust, iron scraping stone→ Bone monstrosity
6. Mad ramblings → King, doesn’t know he’s dead

Encounters in the Flooded Ruins
1. Rippling water → Dire salamander
2. Squealing gears → Patrolling automata
3. Arguing, smell of sweat → Scavengers
4. Soft wingbeats → Flying spy automaton
5. Hissing in the walls → Venomous snake
6. Gurgling, splashing → Zombified ancients

Encounters on the Prehistoric Island
1. Shed skins → Serpentfolk empire holdouts
2. Awestruck arguing → Lost paleontologists
3. Meaningful chirping → Raptor pack
4. Craning necks → Herbivore herd
5. Clacking, holes in sand → Crabfolk rebels
6. Fallen trees, carcasses → Tyrannosaurus rex

Encounters in the Infinite Palace
1. Tufts of orange fur → Judge-tigers
2. Clinking & hubbub → Cannibal dinner party
3. Heraldic trumpets → Foreign dignitaries
4. Soft weeping → Ghost of spurned lover
5. Birdshit → Peacocks, man-eating
6. Smell of bread → Beleaguered chefs
(Oblid wrote an extra 7-10 for this table as a comment on SAWN-OFF in the zine, it's on page 29 if you need more horrors of bureaucracy)

Encounters in an Ancient Bunker
1. Ominous beeping → Security bots
2. Roars and gurgles → Mutant monster
3. Distorted humming → Rad-cultists
4. Crashes, alerts → War-mech
5. Utter nonsound → Entombed radiation angel
6. Calculations, probabilities → Brain warbot

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